Homily Week #3

I'm really excited about keeping up with Matthew Kelly's idea about listening for one thing in the homily to reflect on during the week. Please note this does not mean I don't listen to the rest, I just make sure I take at least one point with me for the week.
Sunday June 27th readings are all about following the Lord. Here they are so you can check them out - Reading 1: 1 Kgs 19:16b, 19-21 Reading 2: Gal 5:1, 13-18 and the Gospel: Lk 9:51-62.
The homily talked mostly about following the Lord, but the Priest quickly mentioned the idea of looking back when times get hard. He mentioned how people have a tenedency to "think back" to when times were easier or when we were happier and how that action can make people feel more upset by their current circumstances. He encouraged us in those moments to remember that following the Lord means being present with Him at all times. We must always push through with Him as our focus so that we can continue to unite ourselves with His will instead of focusing on what our will wants. I'm hearing a lot of trusting in the Lord and desiring His will these past few weeks. Perhaps I should start listening :)

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It has come to my attention in my conversations with Jesus lately that I do not know how to say no. I really do not like that word. At first I thought that maybe it was a problem. Many times people have said to me that I do not stand up for myself or say what I want enough. I spent about a day thinking that I need to learn to say no more often and that it is fine to do what I want sometimes. Then I thought of our blessed mother. Her defining moment was her big YES. Why do I dislike the word no??? Because it closes me off to giving myself for others and living my life in service. I made a decision a while back to use my single state in life (for as long as Jesus sees fit) to serve my family and friends. I decided that I would never be selfish with this time in my life. This shows itself in big and small ways, mostly small. In even very little decisions I try to yield to the desires of others. Those little choices make the big ones easier and Therese said to love in the little things. It is the little choices that do not draw attention of anyone but Jesus. He alone knows and he alone is all that matters. I love living for others. I love not choosing my way. I believe that it helps to drive out my natural selfishness that fallen nature has given me. I love that I am able to serve my friends and family any time they need. Society tells us single women that we need to "live it up" because once we get married it is all over. I think that I am working toward better preparing myself for marriage by spending my time living for others. If God one day calls me to marriage I hope that I am better able to serve my husband and children because of years of practice. I am writing this to encourage all of our single readers to take this time in your life to live at the service of others. Don't worry that you will lose yourself or your desires. Quite the opposite, you will become most who God wants you to be. Like Mary, we define ourselves with our Yes's. It is truly and amazingly fulfilling.

PS: I have waiting a long time to write on this subject because I did not want to appear to be tooting my own horn or being prideful. Please make no mistake. All is due to the Holy Spirit and the intercession of Our Lady.

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Carpe Diem

I just got back from a trip with my extended family. Recently two of my uncles have died from cancer, both battles were very short and one of my cousins suffered from a potentially deadly blood clot from a genetic disorder it turns out we all need to now be tested for. As we were reflecting on all these tragedies my cousin looked at me and said, "this is why I refuse to live with regrets." She and her husband have been trying for a few years to get pregnant and have accepted that it might not be in Gods plan so instead of sitting around waiting for life they have decided to quite their jobs and go travel thorugh Asian for six months. (We are all predicting she comes back pregnant.) It is something they both have always wanted to do and at this point in their lives they are able. Life is so short. We all assume we will live well into old age and die peacefully in our sleep. Honestly though most people don't go that way. My uncle collected only 1 year of his saved retirement and then cancer took his life. My uncles died much earlier then any of us would have liked but while they were alive they really lived. Both of them worked in the Peace Corp. One of them spent many of his Saturdays driving down to Mexico to help build houses for those in need. My uncle Dave earned several degrees and changed jobs A LOT. Right before he died he told my aunt that there was nothing he regretting he did not get to do. Both had huge hearts and loved very deeply. This is not an invitation to be irresponsible. We all have duties but within those duties do not be afraid to do the things your heart desires because we have no idea what God's plan is. My cousins word hit me hard. I have decided to come up with three things I have always wanted to do (that are within my means) and DO THEM. Carpe Diem!

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Learning to Trust

This past week, I faced one of the scariest moments of my life, when I started severely bleeding and having contractions only 22 weeks into my pregnancy with our 2nd child. We rushed to the hospital, without a clue of what could be happening. All I could think or say to my husband on the way there was, "We just have to trust because we are doing all we can. Whatever's happening is happening." When the nurse had me and the baby on the monitors, and the Dr. performed an ultrasound, we were relieved that little Lukas was stable. Being a nurse, I was the calm one between my husband and I, trying not to show him I was concerned when I could read that the Dr.'s and nurse's faces still showed their concern.

It was when the doctor did a full exam and had a real look of concern at all the bleeding that I started to get scared. When the nurse and Dr. left the room, separated by a curtain, I overheard the nurse ordering a blood test for a condition called DIC, which was one of the scariest conditions I learned about in nursing school. This is an emergency condition in which the body increases clotting and bleeds at the same time, so there's really nothing they can do to treat it. They can't give clotting factors because it could cause more life-threatening blood clots, but they can't give blood thinners either because that could increase the bleeding. One can die at any moment from a blood clot to a vital organ, or suffer fatal bleeding. Pregnancy is a risk factor. Fortunately, my husband left for a bit to go check on our daughter who was at her grandparents' house, since we knew we'd just be waiting for the blood-work for a while. The nurse sat by my bed most of the time, because she was monitoring me very closely. I had a few hours, while I waited for my blood results, to think about the possibilities of the results. For the first time in my life, I had someone testing me for a serious life-threatening condition, and I had to face my own mortality.

Ultimately, all I could do was remind myself of the words I'd spoken to my husband a few hours earlier. I could not change the results of the test. All I could do was pray, and trust in the Lord. Thankfully, though I'm still undergoing further tests, things looked good enough that I could go home on bed-rest. It looks like the main culprit is a low-lying placenta, that partially tore, but that will hopefully move as the uterus expands. DIC is still a possibility for me as some of my labs have been slightly off, but now is the time to learn to be dependent. I am dependent on others right now to care for me, my child, and my husband. More than anything, little Lukas and I are completely dependent on the Lord. Really, it's no different than any other day, because the Lord is always in control. We are all His children, nestled in His arms, relying on Him for the gift of life, grace, and love. It's up to us to hug back, knowing He'll always have us.

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Saintly Beauty

"Love consumes us only in the measure of our self-surrender."

-St. Terese of Lisieux

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Full of Grace

God does not ask the impossible from any of us. What he asked of Mary on the day of the Annunciation, he asks of us every day as well. It is true that rather than asking me to become mother to His Son, God is simply asking me to make dinner for my baby right now. No situation, however is without purpose in God's eyes.

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, disappointed or frustrated by what God is asking from us, but this is only because we are forgetting that He also offers His grace to assist us. Perhaps Mary did not even understand exactly what Gabriel's proposal meant, and even if she did, she responded as God would want us all to respond- YES, I trust you.

Just like Mary, God asks me to forget myself and accept His will. Not what I envision as His will, or what I believe should be His will, but truly what is presented to me at this moment. Once I accept this truth, I accept His graces, and from there my actions will serve a purpose in His providence.

Dear Mary, help us to follow in your example and be open to our loving God's purpose for us and accept His graces to guide us through our days.

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