Peaceful Parenting

Since I found out I was pregnant, I haven't stopped reading parenting books and articles, and listening to parenting advice. I know for all of us parents, we just want to get it right. Although it's not dogma, I have found, in what I've read, the attachment parenting model seems to most closely model the way I feel God the Father parents us, and very much the way I want Him to as well. There are many variations of this, and there's clearly no exact science to raising saints.

I just found this article to be very interesting, and very supportive of the way many serious Catholics parent their babies...

Sleep training: Higher Stress, Lower Seratonin may increase SIDS

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B is for... the Bond of Breastfeeding

Many know the benefits of breastfeeding, as far as it being the best nutrition for your baby. It's quite clear, that God did things right when he made us capable of producing all the nutrition our baby needs, even when it leaves the womb. I don't believe there's a single pediatrician that would say differently. It also has many health benefits for the mother as well: helping the uterus contract to stop post-partum bleeding, reducing risk of breast, uterine, and ovarian cancers, lessening osteoporosis, and aiding in post-partum weight loss. Not only are there health benefits on both sides, but there is a bonding that occurs between a breastfeeding mother and her child that is irreplaceable.

The oxytocin hormone that is stimulated during breastfeeding is the hormone that bonds people for life. It is released during childbirth, during breastfeeding, and during the marital act. It produces endorphins which make us associate that person with positive physical and emotional feelings. God was so brilliant in designing our bodies, that He literally gave us a way to be not just emotionally, and spiritually attached, but physically as well. This bond between a mother and a child, can never be broken.

I am one of those women whose hormones make breastfeeding painful in the first few weeks post-partum, and when pregnant. Getting through those first few weeks with my daughter nursing frequently and it being so painful was the toughest part of the post-partum period for me. The most self-sacrificial thing I've done thus far in my life was continuing to nurse my daughter 22 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy, because it was excruciatingly painful. She was 20 months old when she finally stopped. We tried just about everything short of leaving her alone in her room, screaming herself to sleep. As much as I wanted her to be, she was not ready to give up that time, cuddled up, getting that bonding time. It wasn't about nutrition anymore, as I'm quite sure my milk was drying up, if not dried up completely. The positive feelings she got from nursing just could not be replaced by a cup of warm milk, or even just extra hugs. The experience was so painful for me I had to use labor techniques to bear through the pain without letting her sense the stress my body felt. It was an incredible challenge, but she finally weaned when she had to due to pre-term bleeding and contractions with placenta previa (fortunately, she'd basically weaned by that point anyways). While I desperately wanted her to stop sooner, I can't say I would change anything about how I handled it. She did not give it up until she was ready, and since our Lord very clearly calls us to self-sacrifice, particularly for our children, it was my job to lead her in the most gentle way possible, so that she knew she was still loved and could trust me.

Now, I see so many benefits to the hours I spent, so close to her. She is definitely daddy's girl, but if she is hurt, scared, or tired, she reaches for me. Just last week we were in the car and my husband was sitting next to her for a change, while we were trying to get her to nap on a long drive. Half an hour into the drive, she was crying while yawning, kicking to try to get out of her car seat. The moment I switched with my husband and sat next to her, putting my hand on her chest, she quieted, closed her eyes, and dosed off. She has developed a trust in me, because I was always there to nourish and comfort her, that is just not as strong with anyone else.

There is no doubt that a father-daughter bond is just as important. She does rely on my husband and can be comforted by him, but it definitely is not the same. We are bonded not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically and she has a bodily response to my touch that calms and soothes her. It is a unique gift we have been given as women, to create this particular bond. We are capable of using our femininity in an intimate gift of self to our children, giving them not only nourishment of body, but of soul as well.

I am so grateful for being able to breastfeed her as long as I did. I encourage any mothers out there who are struggling with getting through those first few weeks of soreness (I promise you the day will come when it actually feels good), or any other breastfeeding challenges to persevere. Reach out to support systems like lactation consultants, La Leche League , or my personal favorite, fellow Catholic moms, and just give it your best shot. There are many moms who can't nurse, despite their desires, and they will find other ways to bond, but if you're capable, I encourage you to do it for your baby's body and soul.

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A moment of celebration

Today is the first day in 3.5 months that I do not have a drop of spit up on me! Honestly I am praising the Lord - it means Gigi's tummy is finally better.

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TV & Toddlers

The USA Today just published a new study showing that too much time watching tv or playing video games can more than double a child's risk of attention problems. Now, you might be thinking "duh," but I know many children who watch far more than the recommended max of 2 hrs/day given by the American Academy of Pediatrics for children 2+. The recommendation for children under 2 is 0 television.

There are many reasons for this, one major one being that their developing brains can't process the quickly moving images as one fluid action and so it's almost like a strobe light effect and the brains are trained to jump so quickly from image to image that they have a difficult time developing the ability to focus. As they grow, they may be able to grasp the visual stimulation, but can't necessarily connect that if a character behaves badly early on in a show, that chastisement or a negative outcome later on is directly related to that wrong action. The child will mimic whatever they see on television simply because they just do what they see. They aren't necessarily capable of discerning right from wrong, especially when it's shown over the course of a half an hour, rather than explained to them concretely (hitting is wrong, sharing is nice).

Another study of the exposure to television at age 2, found that watching too much TV as toddlers later forecasted:

• a seven percent decrease in classroom engagement;
• a six percent decrease in math achievement (with no harmful effects on later reading);
• a 10 percent increase in victimization by classmates (peer rejection, being teased, assaulted or insulted by other students);
• a 13 percent decrease in weekend physical activity;
• a nine percent decrease in general physical activity;
• a 10 percent peak in snacks intake;
• a five percent increase in BMI.

In our home, we've made it a rule to strictly limit television with our children, particularly to none until over the age of 2. My firstborn is approaching her 2nd birthday, and while we have recently been a bit more lax about it, allowing her to watch one show maybe once a week on a day when she's not napping, or something on a long car ride, we have just re-commited our family to no television for her at all. She's turning 2, so the fallen nature is sadly, starting to show itself more, and I don't want to take any chances. Also, I find that when we give in to one show, she wants to watch another, because it is enticing. It's easy, it's entertaining, but it's not the best thing for her development, as science continues to show us. It is incredibly challenging as a parent to avoid it, and it's certainly not the end of the world if they watch a bit on a special occassion, or when parent is out of commission, but I know it's a habit I want to strive to avoid.

I highly encourage all parents to check out these recent articles:

TV, Video Games and Attention Span

Toddlers and TV

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Happy Birthday to You

My daughter's 2nd birthday is fast approaching and it got me thinking about how our family celebrates birthdays. We really have no traditions yet so I'm trying to establish some with this birthday (there's a tiny chance she'll remember it!)

My family tends to go big for birthdays - they're a family affair and everyone is included. First birthdays are the biggest, and when I finally asked my Grandma why they were such a big deal, they told me that many babies (in the Dominican Republic, where she and most of her family is from) don't make it one year, so it really is reason to celebrate. My own first birthday was quite elaborate: my grandma made me a dress and pinata, I had a cake comparable to a wedding cake, there were flowers and balloons, and even a marionette show. Wish I could remember it! Hubby's family on the other hand tends to do small parties at home, and if you know my hubby you know how much he just looooooves parties and being the center of attention. Right.

So last year when it came time to plan Ella's 1st birthday I felt really stuck in the middle. I wanted to invite everyone in our family and all our friends because I really really really hate excluding people (esp. my extended family because someone always finds out and then gets mad) and the event planner part of me was DYING to plan something. Anything. We had dirt for a backyard but hubby didn't want me to rent a hall or park for the party so he agreed to put in a backyard. And yes, looking back I don't think we needed quite so much food and I didn't need to spend so much money on favors, but at the end of the day we really had a great time, and so did the birthday girl...once she stopped screaming and took a nap.

This year we've decided to start toning things down a little bit. Her birthday will be smaller, but still so special. And we decided that our birthday traditions will include going on a family outing to somewhere special, 3 presents for the birthday kid, and we will celebrate their baptism day as well with cake and relighting their baptismal candle.

I guess to sum it up, you don't need to do something huge and amazing and elaborate every year. Whatever you do will be special to your child :)

Do you have any neat birthday traditions?

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Who's your favorite saint and why?

Mine is my confirmation namesake: Kateri Tekakwitha, who was a Native American in the state of New York. My dad and I shared an interest for the Native American culture and the First Nations culture in Canada and he was the one who suggested her to me for my confirmation.

Interestingly enough, she's also the patron of people who have lost their parents, which I found to be fitting and a nice, quiet hug from God.

How about you?

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New-Baby Recipes

The week my newborn baby arrived, several lovely friends and family of ours brought over ready-to-eat or freezable meals, so that we could enjoy our babymoon with our new little one and not have to worry about doing groceries, cooking and dishes.  I will feel forever grateful for the kindness and the enormous help that this gesture provided for my husband and I. 

We are at "that age" where we spend many of our weekend afternoons showering new mothers.  I would love to be able to return the blessings given to me and help parents' of new babies by bringing meals to them.  It seems like one of the easiest and most popular items to bring over to new parents are casseroles.  I did not grow up eating casseroles however, and have absolutely none in my recipe collection.

Does anyone have any great freezable recipe ideas to make and bring to busy families?  I would love some suggestions...

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Nighttime Humility

I spent the early part of this week celebrating my little one's first birthday. I love him to pieces, but this year has been very difficult. It is easy for me to point everything that has gone "wrong" to one problem: my son's inability to sleep.

Before I became a parent, I was fully prepared to trade sleeping in for 6AM Saturday morning cartoons. I knew that my newborn would wake up at night to feed. I understood that there would be teething bouts all the way through toddlerhood, where my husband and I would have to console our aching baby for a few nights in a row. What I did not expect was that one year later, I would still be awoken every hour. I did not expect that I would spend half of my day trying to sooth my baby to sleep for naps and throughout the night.

It is a good thing that I did not know, because sometimes I wonder if I would have had the courage to get on board. I have spent many hours complaining, crying and praying, "Dear Lord, why won't my baby sleep?" There have been many days when I even felt that this situation was bringing me to the point of depression. How could I possibly go on physically, mentally, spiritually with this never ending fast from sleep?

Well, it is a year later and I am still here. No, he is not sleeping much better yet, but I've accepted this fact (on most days). More importantly, I have learned that my son's sleeplessness and my body's sleep deprivation are not the problem. The problem all along has been my lack of humility.

Humility in its truest sense, is the recognition of our relationship to God. To be humble we must always remember who He is, and who we are. God made us to love, worship and serve Him. We do not become saints by doing what we want, or what we think God's will should be, but by doing His will for us in the everyday circumstances He sends us. Every minute of our day is from God, and it is up to us to offer it back to him prayerfully and dutifully. In my case, staying joyful despite getting fewer zzz's is a pleasing act of humility to God.

When we lack humility, we often feel resentful, depressed, frustrated and angry with situations. Our responsibilities become burdensome and our daily crosses become very heavy. Sacrifice seems meaningless, and love lacks in our lives. If we remember however, who God is to us and that each moment IS His will for us, we feel that we can find joy and meaning in our suffering. Even if for the rest of my life I never sleep longer than an hour, I will be at peace because I will be surrendering to God's will.

Another beautiful thing I've noticed specifically about sleep is that it is one of our basic needs. God created our bodies to NEED rest. Similarly to discomfort felt from fasting, my exhaustion can serve as a humbling reminder in itself for me of how much I depend on God, because He made me this way. By "fasting" from sleep, I take attention away from myself and draw my rest and replenishment from a different source: God.

Humility reminds us that God is in charge. We might not understand His will, but it is by following Christ's example and surrendering everything to the Father that will lead us to heaven. Now, please remind me to reread this post daily-- because forgetfulness is a side effect of sleep deprivation and of humanity.

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What I've Learned

It is difficult to believe that my son is almost 1 year old. I feel quite accomplished. Victorious. Ok, amazed. It has been the most challenging and humbling year, yet also the most blessed and rewarding. Nobody could have prepared me for the difficulties I would encounter, the many (many) tears I would cry or the sleep I would yearn for. But then again, nobody could have prepared me for the intense love, joy and wholeness that motherhood would bring me.

I have learned so much in just 12-months. Just to name a few...

Simplify. The simpler, the better.

Things said at 3AM need not, and should not count against you.

Parenting is not like college- The baby books do not have all (or any) of the answers.

Parenting is 24/7. I heard this several times before he was born, but you really have to experience it for yourself to understand.

Sleep is overrated (yet so wonderful). You can get by on very little.

Grandmothers are blessings.

Your marriage is the priority, and it must be nurtured every day.

Parent on your knees. Pray, pray and pray some more.

It is OK to order take-out, just to avoid doing the dishes.

There is no sound more beautiful than the sweet belly-filled giggles of your little one.

Being able to pee with the bathroom door closed is a luxury.

Sleep is a luxury.

Don't judge other parents, or criticize parenting philosophies. You will end up trying them out at some point.

A baby's smile makes everything better, even during an apocalypse.

It takes a village to raise a child. Don't be afraid to ask for help. (I'm still working on this one.)

Girlfriends are important. Especially girlfriends with babies.

Being able to nurse a baby to sleep is a superpower.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Learn to let things go.

Babies smell really good. REALLY good.

Being "stay-at-home" doesn't mean you have more free time than 9-5ers. Moms feel proud if they can squeeze a shower into their day.

A glass of wine can help.

Your baby is his/her own person. You can love, guide, teach, nurture, protect-- but you cannot control him/her.

Parenthood is God's greatest blessing. Nothing else compares.

We made it! It can't get any crazier than the first year, can it?

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And then there were two...

So I'm not sure how He does it, but God provides. The past 2 weeks we have been really sleep deprived (little g doesn't want to be set down at night, and she likes to sleep on her side in our bed and has the tendency to bury herself in her blankets) and very tantrum filled (big G loves to throw herself on the floor and cry when things don't go her way) but we are somehow coping. I truly still don't understand how to have two kids in the house! Today is our first full day without any help and we somehow have to get the girls to the doctor, maybe go to our homeschool preschool group, and remember to feed everyone and change their diapers. Please keep us in your prayers!!

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