PSA: FAKE SPIDER WEB

Fact: 92% of all fake spider web is misused. Which is to say, once it is applied it bears no resemblance to anything that has ever come out of a spider's body. Frankly, this stuff is usually a pathetic eyesore that brings shame upon any household who desecrates their front porch with it. And chances are, you may be considering putting up a bit of the old "natures fly trap" this year. So before you ruin another Halloween, let's take a look at some real life examples of the right and wrong ways to hang imitation webbing...

Wrong. Very, very wrong.

Right. A real object of beauty!

Wrong. Just painfully so.

Right (for the most part).

Wrong

Could be worse, but still pretty bad.

Wrong. And never mix web styles.

As you are distributing your web, you may find it helpful to think about this..
If you were a real spider and your entire food supply depended upon the performance of this single web, how would you approach it? Would you toss it all in a pile in hopes that a feeble-minded insect might happen to step in it? I'm betting you wouldn't. I have a feeling that you would stretch those fibers to the farthest ends of the porch, making every effort to cover as much space as possible with your precious natural net. Now, back to the examples...

Wrong– well, maybe if it were a giant mutated spider. On second thought I suppose this one is passable.

6.5 out of a possible 10

Oh, no you didn't.

Excellent.

Not too shabby

Spider web, or drapes and a hammock?

Not the best, but some real potential here.

A pure abomination.
The absolute worst is when the little wavy ripples are still visible.

So impeccable, it fooled a real spider!
Something for all of us to strive for.

After you finish applying your fake spider web, examine your handiwork and answer the following questions...

(1) What appears to have taken place?
A. One or more spiders have found a location to dwell
B. Two dogs just fought over a pillow
C. A bank of fog just rolled in
D. A cotton field exploded
E. Santa just shaved his beard

Correct Answer: A

(2) Did you use more than one bag?
A. No
B. Yes, and I ran out so quickly that I'm about to drive back to the party shop

Correct Answer: A
Nobody has any business purchasing more than one package per Halloween season. If a bag lasts two or more years then you're on the right track.

And lastly, an essay question...
(3) What effect were you trying to achieve? Did you achieve it? Was it worth it?

This year lets all web responsibly!
A public service announcement brought to you by the Secret Fun Spot.