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10:38 AM
mateng
Eating Disorders are often connected to a person’s desire for control. Being unable to control outside events during one’s life, it is common for victims to focus on their weight and body image- to a point of an obsession, or disorder. Being a dancer who has gone through hours of eating disorder counseling, I thought that I have had my desire for control over my body, under control. That is, until I became pregnant. If there is one thing about pregnancy that is absolutely clear, it is this: I am not in control. Sometimes it is unclear whether my precious little baby boy is in control, or whether God is in control… but it is never me!
In the first trimester, sickness and nausea forced me to constantly nibble on carb-rich foods. To make things even more challenging, my nausea made exercise impossible… And believe it or not, this lack of diet and exercise was disturbing enough to keep me awake at night, feeling lousy about myself.
As timed passed, my aversion to many healthy foods, such as grilled chicken and vegetables faded, and I felt as though I could be “good” again (in diet language, good means healthy). But of course, the lingering nausea as well as my body’s desire to gain weight made me throw my food plan out of the window…again. Nope, still not in control.
As I approach the end of my pregnancy, now comes another challenging new aspect: my intense fear of being fat. For somebody who has spent so many years of her life putting value in appearances, suddenly feeling like a balloon version of myself has been a great struggle. It doesn’t help that the first thing people around you do is check you out from bottom to top, and even comment on your appearance. Talk about feeling self-conscious!
My purpose for this post is not to rant on about my insecurities and worries about my body. Nevertheless, since our blog is titled “Defining Beauty”, I felt that this subject is very appropriate, and I am fairly confident that I am not the only woman who has struggled in this area. In theory, I realize that pregnancy makes women are even more beautiful, due to the fact that God entrusts their bodies to house His brand new souls. So why is it that society’s standards of beauty are so engrained in our minds, that it is difficult for women to see the beauty in giving their life for their child?
The thing is, we are NOT in control-- God is. And God has made us all beautiful, in His image. If we let go and let Him stay in control of our lives, then we will reach our most beautiful potential. God has called me to motherhood, and answering this call is worth more than any pair of size 0 jeans.
In the first trimester, sickness and nausea forced me to constantly nibble on carb-rich foods. To make things even more challenging, my nausea made exercise impossible… And believe it or not, this lack of diet and exercise was disturbing enough to keep me awake at night, feeling lousy about myself.
As timed passed, my aversion to many healthy foods, such as grilled chicken and vegetables faded, and I felt as though I could be “good” again (in diet language, good means healthy). But of course, the lingering nausea as well as my body’s desire to gain weight made me throw my food plan out of the window…again. Nope, still not in control.
As I approach the end of my pregnancy, now comes another challenging new aspect: my intense fear of being fat. For somebody who has spent so many years of her life putting value in appearances, suddenly feeling like a balloon version of myself has been a great struggle. It doesn’t help that the first thing people around you do is check you out from bottom to top, and even comment on your appearance. Talk about feeling self-conscious!
My purpose for this post is not to rant on about my insecurities and worries about my body. Nevertheless, since our blog is titled “Defining Beauty”, I felt that this subject is very appropriate, and I am fairly confident that I am not the only woman who has struggled in this area. In theory, I realize that pregnancy makes women are even more beautiful, due to the fact that God entrusts their bodies to house His brand new souls. So why is it that society’s standards of beauty are so engrained in our minds, that it is difficult for women to see the beauty in giving their life for their child?
The thing is, we are NOT in control-- God is. And God has made us all beautiful, in His image. If we let go and let Him stay in control of our lives, then we will reach our most beautiful potential. God has called me to motherhood, and answering this call is worth more than any pair of size 0 jeans.
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