"Are you pregnant yet?"

In the recent weeks, I seem to be getting this question a lot, from everyone from close friends, to my husband, and even my regular confessor. My husband and I are eager to give Mina a little brother or sister, but it seems that it's just not God's will yet. This has given me a lot to think about.

Today, while in mass, I was in the bathroom changing Mina and decided to take a pregnancy test I had in my bag, because I thought there was a possibility I was pregnant, and it would be nice to tell my husband just after the Eucharist. The answer was no, and for a moment, I felt as thought I might shed a tear, particularly when I looked at Mina. I thought of all the joy she brings me, and how much more joy another child would bring. I prayed and offered the moment to Mary and her Son for they know better than I when we should have another child, and we went back into the church.

With Mina waddling around, we decided to head into the cry room for the latter part of mass. It was quite full this morning, and not all with little children, but with a few families with handicapped kids, who have random outbursts, making it tough to sit anywhere else. As soon as I walked in, I couldn't help but think, "Thank you, Lord." Right there in front of me was a lesson. I have no idea why the Lord is choosing this particular spacing for Mina and her brother or sister. I have to realize, though I have no reason to think I'm infertile, that I may never be blessed with having another child naturally again. Or, the Lord could be providing this space because someday we will have a child with special needs, or someone else in the family that we can help care for while we only have one child. For whatever reason, I'm not yet pregnant again, and I thank God for this opportunity to desire children.

We know so little about ourselves in comparison with God, and we must always remember His love for us, whenever there is something we don't understand. If there's one thing we should have no control over, it's deciding when a human being should be created or not, and it's for this reason, that I love being completely open to life. It allows us to submit ourselves in a whole new way to His Holy Will, and to say, as women, "I am your handmaid, Let it be done unto me according to your will."

I thank Him for these months of patience, and I thank Him for those of you who are blessed with having children closer together, for there are lessons for all of us in the gift of family life.