...supermarket drivers

The first clue, I think, comes from the trips to the supermarket you used to go on with your parents.

Long before you could drive and were aware of the concept of driving standards, there would still be a part of you irritated in some way by the way people got in your way with their trolleys, leaving them strewn across the aisles, bumping them into stacks of produce, going too slowly or not looking before charging out into the central aisle. It even has a name: Trolley Rage.


Then you get your driving licence, and realise that all of that is a metaphor for the supermarket car park, too. The people who take whole minutes choosing a space when there are five empty ones right in front of them. People pulling straight out into the middle without looking. Not stopping for pedestrian crossings. Not looking before they reverse out of a space. Reversing into a space and then scratching your car because they then have to squeeze the trolley to the narrow space they've left at the back.

Perhaps the human race goes into a semi-conscious trance as they enter the area around a supermarket and basic motor skills (in both senses of the word) desert them. It would explain a lot.

The solution, of course, is a simple one: Before a driver is let anywhere near a car, they must first be taken to a supermarket and demonstrate they can be careful and considerate with a trolley. Getting in the way? One minor. Not giving way to people on the main aisle? Another minor. Knocking over a jar of jam or not checking behind you before you swing your trolley around and hit me in the shin? Instant fail, I'm afraid. And an instant fail means you won't be getting in that car just yet.

By the time people have gone through my Trolley Test you can guarantee they'll be better drivers. You certainly wouldn't want to take more supermarket lessons than you have to. Incidentally, the same test would work for flustered, stuck-up mothers with push-chairs. It would serve them well for the eventual school-run in a Range Rover.

Anyway, just in case your own supermarket etiquette is lacking a little, I found the perfect tool with which to hone your skills...