...car maintenance

You'll see I've done away with "Thinking about..." at the start of every post. It's naff. I've come to that conclusion myself. I'll change all the others in due course...

So, car maintenance. It's something that, as a petrolhead, I feel obliged to tackle myself. Both my current car and my previous one are of a vintage that still welcomes home maintenance and tuning and doesn't require vast swathes of plastic to be lifted out of the engine bay just to top up the oil, nor half the front end removed in order to replace a blown bulb. As such, basic maintenance feels like one of those responsibilities I should be tackling myself and doing so for a handful of change, rather than leaving my keys and my wallet at the mercy of a garage.

Half a year or so ago I bought some access ramps that would allow me to inspect and fix my car should the need arise. At the time, the car had a rusty sump and I had designs on ordering in all the bits and doing the whole thing myself. I would go down to the pub with some mates afterwards and they'd bow before my mechanical prowess, and my girlfriend would swoon at my ability to handle massive tools.

Unfortunately, the reality was rather different. I precariously edged the car up onto the ramps, meekly slid underneath, and made a few "hmm... yeah... that is a bit rusty" noises before crawling back out again and driving the car back off the ramps. I took the car to a garage, paid through the nose for it, and the ramps have since remained unused. No worshipping ensued, and the better half was less than impressed that she'd seen the back of a couple of hundred quid that could have gone towards her instead.

I've noticed that I shy away from these more hands-on, mechanical sort of tasks. I partly blame it on lack of correct tools for the job, but that's too easy and doesn't get to the root of the problem. It could also be blamed on the fact that I'm a horrific procrastinator, but then I still manage to meet deadlines which implies a tendency to actually get things done eventually. No, the real problem is my fear of somehow massively cocking up and rendering my pride and joy completely and expensively immobile.

I'm aware that this is unlikely with, say for example, an oil change. In fact, it's unlikely with any number of basic tasks. But the little nagging doubt remains, telling me that really I should be getting someone who knows what they're doing by trade, rather than reading the procedure from a grubby owners manual like some kind of ancient recipe book with ingredients and measures that no longer exist.

I'm entirely confident I could disassemble the entire car and even put it all back together again given enough time and the right tools, but I could also guarantee there would be three parts left on the ground at the end. One would be an engine mount, the second would be the brake pedal, and the final would be the windscreen. The engine would fall out, I'd be unable to brake to avoid a brick wall, and after travelling through the gap where the screen should have gone I would also quickly be reduced to my component parts.

I'm fitting a new brake-light bulb tomorrow. Wish me luck.