Admitting Beauty

Last weekend I was at my parish, standing in line for confession.  It was an ordinary Saturday, until an acquaintance whispered to me five little words that sent my world crashing down:  "How far along are you?".  

First of all, I am not pregnant.  I am over one year postpartum, and I fit comfortably into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  I have to admit that my body is slightly softer in certain areas than it was before, but I overall I am finally starting to feel like myself again. 

The rational voice inside my head tells me that the woman who asked me this dreadful (and tactless) question must have heard a rumor about a pregnancy.  Or perhaps she saw my toddler and assumed that it was about time for an another baby to join our Catholic family.  Unfortunately, it is difficult to hear these arguments because there is another voice inside my head shouting much louder:  "You are fat!  So huge!  You should exercise more!  Your husband must be embarrassed to be around you!  YOU should be embarrassed! You LOOK pregnant!!"

I know that I am not the only woman who has ever felt thought such horrible things about myself.  The (sometimes deafening) voice inside of me can be really MEAN.  In fact, if a friend or boyfriend ever talked to me this way, it would be the end of our relationship.  We would break up!  So why do we talk to ourselves in this way? Why is it wrong for my friend to call me fat, but it is OK for me to call myself ugly?

One thing that I have really enjoyed during this dress dare is reading everyone's comments about how beautiful and feminine they feel in their skirts.  I bet nobody would be making those comments if this was a 31-day diet challenge!  It must mean that there is something there-- being feminine makes us feel beautiful!  And when we feel beautiful, we can be grateful to God for our gifts and be joyful witnesses to the world.

There are more diet products and books on the market than ever before, but coincidentally, more obesity and eating disorders than ever.  In the past 60 years or so, the woman's ideal body has become smaller and smaller.  And we are not the only ones changing-- men are getting bigger!  Could this be correlated to society's view that femininity is a weakness?  I am not a sociologist, but perhaps men and women are trying to find a new balance to counteract other changes that contemporary society has brought.

God made each of us different- tall, short, thin, curvy.  As women however, we are all feminine. By embracing this part of ourselves we can love our bodies as a temple of the Holy Spirit and an image of our Creator.  God made me beautiful, you beautiful, and ALL OF US beautiful.

Oh, and do not ever, EVER, assume that a woman is pregnant.