E is for Eucharist

I remember the days when I used to love starting off my morning with daily mass.  I would bring my magnificat with me to follow along with the prayers and readings, and I would break fast with the eternal heavenly breakfast of champions- the Eucharist.  I always walked out feeling centered on Christ and ready to tackle my day.

It is disappointing to say, but lately going to mass with a young toddler leaves me feeling nothing but exhausted.  Even when he behaves it is challenging to pay attention to readings and focus on prayer.  We spend most of the time walking around the church, going in and out of the blessed sacrament chapel, looking through picture books and taking short breaks outside.  Although I still subscribe to my magnificat, it spends most of its time at home on my coffee table.  Basically I do whatever it takes to keep my baby calm during mass and to make it to communion so that I can receive Jesus.

I am often tempted to consider "what's the point?"  Am I truly feeding my soul by being physically present but distracted in every other way?  That is when I have to remind myself that God chose the vocation of motherhood for me.  If He wanted me to spend my day in prayer, I would be a religious, not a Mom.  I may not be receiving very many graces through prayer at mass anymore, but I have to trust that I am earning those graces in other ways, mainly by taking care of my son.  And when will I be in a better state to take care of my baby than after receiving Jesus in the Eucharist?