Q is for Quarrels

One of the most beautiful parts about getting married in the Catholic Church is that it's a requirement - and I'm a big fan of that - to attend the Engaged Encounter Weekend before the big day. You and your fiancé(e) must attend together and complete all of the workshops together. All of them. In fact, I'm a big believer in any sort of premarital counseling (whether or not you're Catholic) and a lot of this weekend in particular was applicable to non-Catholics, consisting of real couples talking about everyday issues that will arise in a marriage such as sex, finances, children, fights, inlaws, chores... This is a fantastic way to ensure that you and your fiancé(e) are getting married for the right reasons and it also arms you with some great skills and knowledge for your marriage to make sure that you're protected from divorce as much as possible.

And so, I present to you some of the keys to fighting fairly according to the Engaged Encounter Weekend. This has been a tremendous help for my husband and me, especially since the first year of marriage is statistically the most challenging and quarrels can come easily if you're not prepared.

Be blessed...


•Remember that criticism and sarcasm wound people and destroy our capacity to belong to each other.

•Avoid criticism. Avoid name-calling and character assassination.

•Never fight when one or both of you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

•It is a waste of time placing blame. Since you can't un-spill the milk, work at moving forward.

•Avoid using absolutes, such as, "you always" or "you never" or "every time." They are not true.

 •Finish the fight. Even if there are tears, be sensitive, but do not walk away. Continue the fight for your relationship.

•Do not bring in third parties. A parent, a friend, a person at work has no part in your confrontation. The real problem is often a miscommunication.

•Stay physically close to each other. An affectionate touch helps each to know that there is nothing that cannot be worked out in love.

•The issue under discussion is never as important as the two of you are. Being right is not as important as being in relationship.

•Fight for clarification, not to win. If I "win" a fight then I'm sleeping with a loser.